When You Feel Like a Homeschool Failure
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The first year homeschooling my own kids started with wide-eyed optimism. I was homeschooled from 5th grade through graduation. Surely I could start homeschooling my two oldest boys easily.
This is the moment I’d been dreaming about. My impossible dream of working and homeschooling was finally possible. I knew exactly what to expect. There wasn’t going to be any surprises…
And I was completely wrong.
That first year of homeschooling was a complete disaster.
There are several reasons that it went so wrong the first year, but it left me feeling like a homeschool failure. I really didn’t think I would make it after the first year. Almost ten years later, homeschooling 6 kids, and one in his last year. I think it is safe to say I made it.
Am I a Homeschool Failure?
How many times a day do we ask ourselves this question? Some days, it is definitely more than others. Every homeschool mom, whether you just started or you are a veteran, asks herself this question. I am going to let you in on a secret—you aren’t a homeschool failure. But this could be a sign that some things need to change, so you get the most out of your homeschool.
There is a lot of responsibility for parents. We are responsible for the spiritual, emotional, physical, and intellectual upbringing of our children. As a culture, we are conditioned to outsource this last part. When we decide to take on all aspects of this responsibility, it can feel overwhelming. And that’s ok.
Why We Feel Like a Failure
Before you change anything in your homeschool, you need to figure out what the problem is. Here are 3 common reasons we feel like a homeschool failure.
You’re tired
We dismiss this a lot of the times because we are always tired. Being homeschool tired doesn’t really feel that much different when we are always tired. There are certain times during the year when you will grow weary in homeschooling. We all get there.
When you are exhausted, recognize where you are and never make a decision when you are in a place of weariness.
Feeling like you are failing is a signal from your body that you are tired. You don’t want to make any life-altering decisions right now. Take a break.
Your year is not going as planned
Another contributing factor to feeling like failing as a homeschool mom is you aren’t checking all your boxes. You started out in August or September with great enthusiasm and expectations for the year—every mom starts the year this way.
We plan the year at the pinnacle of our enthusiasm to learn. Then life has other ideas. Our plans get interrupted or so far off the rails, we can’t get it back on track. Then we start feeling like we’ve failed because our goals go unaccomplished.
Life happens and we can’t always plan for it, but recognize your accomplishments and write them down. Even if your year isn’t going as planned, you still accomplished things, and you need to remind yourself of your achievements.
Your kids aren’t meeting the education goals you have for them
This is hard. Maybe your kids didn’t zoom through algebra like you wanted. Or you missed some reading goals for the year, and you need to work on them.
These things really hit our mom egos. We feel like we need to prove that homeschooling is the right choice. But we are the complete underdogs because everyone automatically assumes that this is the worst thing we can do. So, we are constantly fighting the battle to prove ourselves.
When our kids don’t meet our goals, we feel like we’ve failed. Remember why you homeschool. It is to tailor learning and curriculum for each child. Sometimes we need to spend more time on a subject or a concept, and you can. If your kids were struggling in public school, they would just be sent to the next grade with the same struggle. You are giving your kids an opportunity to master a weakness. You are giving them a chance they would never get in public school.
When it comes to education goals for your kids, are your expectations realistic? Are you expecting your first grader to learn algebra? Or your 3-year-old to start reading War and Peace? I know, I know, we don’t really expect this, but in proving ourselves, we can place unrealistic expectations on our kids. Are you feeling like a homeschool failure because your expectations need to be adjusted?
Myth Busting Our Expectations
Many times, we feel like we are failing as homeschoolers because our expectations need to be adjusted. These are the common misconceptions about homeschooling.
You should enjoy homeschooling 100% of the time
Enjoyment or happiness is not a prerequisite for homeschooling. It is a myth to think that you should enjoy homeschooling all the time, or that it should make you a happy mom.
Homeschooling is not always easy. Yes, there are many benefits and things that make life easier (like a flexible schedule). It can be really hard to keep doing this day in and day out. If you are expecting to be happy in every moment, then you will be disappointed and feel like you are failing.
It is ok for you to have a bad day. It is ok to not always enjoy homeschooling. We homeschool for the benefit of our kids.
It is just public school at home
This is an expectation that I see a lot in homeschool groups. We’ve been conditioned to think that there is only one way to school. If you didn’t grow up homeschooling. That idea is sitting at a desk for seven hours a day. This is the right way to school.
When you start out, it can feel like you are doing something wrong because you aren’t spending seven hours on curriculum.
Homeschool is not public school at home. You have the freedom to make it work for you and your family. It will take time to figure this out. Give yourself the grace to figure out what works. Throw out any idea that your homeschool should look like public school at home.
If your kids want to do their math on the stairs, then let them. If they prefer to read stretched out on the floor, then let them.
Our first year of homeschooling was a disaster. I am a second generation homeschooler, so I figured this was going to be easy. I was a veteran at it, after all. It took a few years to find our groove, but that’s ok. We have the time to figure it out.
Don’t judge your entire homeschool experience on your first year.
You need to say yes to every field trip; we are all about experiences
I feel mom guilt when I can’t say yes to everything. There is a heavy emphasis on experience in homeschool, which makes learning more fun. However, I work from home. So, I need to balance kids and clients. That means I can’t say yes to everything.
If I said yes to everything, then I would be exhausted all the time. Feeling tired is a major contributing factor to feeling like a failure. You need to set boundaries with your homeschool time, and that is ok.
Conclusion: You Aren’t a Homeschool Failure
Mom, you are the best teacher for your kids. You are doing more than just teaching them facts. Homeschooling is about shaping your child’s character, teaching them responsibility, and showing them how to learn.
There is a lot that you are doing, but you aren’t failing as a homeschool mom. You may just need to adjust your expectations.
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